2011 is the Year of Filipino Camp Films. Chris Martinez started the parade with the remake of Temptation Island. If the packed rafters last night are indications of things to come then Star Cinema has a huge hit in their hands in No Other Woman. I was hoping to catch the second to the last screening of the movie but had to move to the last showing as seats are sold-out. Sure. Anne acquitted herself as a mistress. Sure. Cristine pulled it off as a boring, crocheting wife. Sure. Females will kill for a piece of Derek. But the real star of the film? Those fabulous lines. I guess the audience are fed up with the same old formula: popular love teams + ’80s love song revival + predictable romance + predictable ending. People cracked up and applauded at the outrageous dialogues. (As if the scriptwriter decided to make a collection of one-liners instead of a well-constructed narration.) So here is a PARTIAL LIST of incredible lines. Partial because Carmi Martin DESERVES a separate list.
NUMBER TEN: You like nice things no? – Cristine Reyes / Yeah. They’re my guilty pleasures. But I really don’t feel guilty ‘cause I deserve them. – Anne Curtis
Cristine is referring to the expensive bag of Anne during an awkward coffee meet where she finally decided to confront the mistress of her husband. That or the magnificent abdominals and pectorals of Derek.
NUMBER NINE: Just shut up and kiss me. And don’t you dare fall in love with me. – Anne Curtis
I included this in honor of the fierce unicorn in front of me who kept on uttering this line while I waiting in line. Is there any doubt why gays adore this movie?
NUMBER EIGHT: Bikini mo ba iyan o balat mo? – Cristine Reyes
Anne is rocking a pair of snake-skin bikini print during this scene. Get it?
NUMBER SEVEN: I don’t need to read your research report. I know the market because I am the market. – Anne Curtis
I am not sure if it is possible for people to b*tch-slap other people in a serious company meeting. But Anne did and in front of her strict father (Tirso Cruz III) to boot.
NUMBER SIX: Mababaliw siguro ako kapag nalaman kong may babae siya. Baka mapatay ko iyong kabit. Silang dalawa, actually.
NUMBER FIVE: Naku. Huwag na. Baka Makita mo pang nilalagyan ko ng lason ang pagkain mo. Joke lang. Medyo off yung humor ko lately. – Cristine Reyes
Good thing the omnipresent Star Cinema trailer did not include the last part of this luscious quotable line. It made it better and had the full-packed theatre applauding.
NUMBER FOUR: I’m not a mistress. I never was and I never will be one. – Anne Curtis
Fine. You are not a mistress.
NUMBER THREE: Alam mo kasi ang marriage parang exclusive village. Kailangan mong bantayan para hindi makapasok ang mga squatters. – Cristine Reyes
This is during one fabulous scene where the lead stars – in revealing swimsuits -are in the brink of mini-cat fight in the poolside. The real reason we watch these kind of movies is to see beautiful ladies slap faces and pull hair. Admit it. (The same reason I love Ina Kapatid Anak. Not because it stars Lolita Rodriguez and Charito Solis but because these iconic dramatic actresses had a hair-pulling scene.) The poolside scene is a precursor of a bigger fight but this one is more appetizing than the all-out and stunt-coordinated melee.
NUMBER TWO: You can call me anything you want: a snake, a bitch, an other woman. But I will never be a pathetic, boring housewife. – Anne Curtis
NUMBER ONE: The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. Pero sa ganda mong iyan, siguradong marami kang alam na shortcuts. – Cristine Reyes
Uttered in front of the mistress while husband is sitting beside the fierce wife. Derek can ONLY come up with a pitiful, “Cheers!” to break the cold cold ice.