04
Sep
12

Top 10 Possible Expenda-belles Cast Members

Confession: I am one of the millions of people cajoled into the theaters to see the first Expendables. This makes me one of the million reasons Chuck Norris is back on the big-screen doing Chuck Norris stuff for his old and soon-to-be hordes of fans. This makes me one of the million reasons arthritic action stars keep on packing heat. This makes me one of the million reasons ridiculous film concepts like the Expendables are gaining traction in present pop culture. I like ridiculous sometimes. Scratch that: I need ridiculous most of the time. It is just kick-as* amazeballs. Think of the line-up: Stallone, Statham, Li, Lundgren and Schwarz-I-still-Google-his-name-so-f*ck-correct-spelling. It is just too damn ridiculous. There is one development, however, that had me thinking a lot. One report claimed Cameron Diaz is in talks to star in a possible third Expendables and that there could be an all-female version – Expandabelles. The model-turned-comedian mentioned names of other actresses she likes to work with if the idea pushes through. I endorse her choices including the others included in the list.  There is no doubt the idea is terrible and ridiculous but Kill Bill has taught us estrogen is lethal.

NUMBER TEN: CHLOE GRACE MORETZ

Moretz killed the Hit Girl role and stole the film from her more popular co-stars. Just put the kid in the picture.

KILLER VIDEO: as Hit Girl in Kick-Ass

NUMBER NINE:  JENNIFER GARNER

Garner is the top mistress of disguise/assassin in the small screen and that puts her in good position in the list. The bedimpled charmer is indeed the perfect innocent-looking killer.

KILLER VIDEO: a fan-made montage of her popular small-screen role

NUMBER EIGHT: MILLA JOVOVICH

Resident. Evil. Butt-Kicker.

KILLER VIDEO: good zombies are dead zombies

NUMBER SEVEN: HELEN MIRREN

The British Empire needs proper representation and Mirren is up to the challenge. The esteemed thespian can bring some Shakespeare credentials and innate bad-as*ery. Plus the promising market of men with grandma fantasies should be taken into serious consideration.

KILLER VIDEO: still the best scene in the film

NUMBER SIX: CAMERON DIAZ

Diaz is the most delightful of the three big-screen angels. She has first-rate timing useful for the de rigueur comic reliefs. Not to mention kilometric legs for the discerning male audience.

KILLER VIDEO: creeptastic Thin Man battle

NUMBER FIVE: JAMIE LEE CURTIS

Here is the deal: most actresses get to do action stuff in horror films as the hapless target of murderous monsters. Curtis is the pioneer of such roles. Plus she starred alongside Schwarz-I-still-Google-his-name-so-f*ck-correct-spelling in True Lies.

KILLER VIDEO: here goes the striptease scene in True Lies

NUMBER FOUR: SIGOURNEY WEAVER

I am spelling it out just to make things clear: R-I-P-L-E-Y.

KILLER VIDEO: better than Prometheus

NUMBER THREE: MICHELLE YEOH

The East produced some of the best female action stars and no one shines brighter than Michelle. She is a bona fide superstar and her resume includes some of the most important martial arts films of all-time. Our heroine forged a career despite competition from popular male action stars. That is brilliance.

KILLER VIDEO: Jet Li-collaboration in the Tai Chi Master

NUMBER TWO: GINA CARANO

Carano is a real-life ring-combatant-turned-action-star and a sure asset in this ensemble.

KILLER VIDEO: a different kind of bed scene

NUMBER ONE: ANGELINA JOLIE

Duh.

KILLER VIDEO: this car chase has the floor to make a point

About these ads

0 Responses to “Top 10 Possible Expenda-belles Cast Members”



  1. Leave a Comment

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s


my read shelf:
Jowana Bueser's book recommendations, liked quotes, book clubs, book trivia, book lists (read shelf)

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 669 other followers

September 2012
M T W T F S S
« Aug   Oct »
 12
3456789
10111213141516
17181920212223
24252627282930

Twitter Updates

  • @raissawriter Kung totoong ganyan kamahal ang isang effigy, nababagay lang dito ang katagang, "nagsusunog ng pera." 42 minutes ago
  • Saw a serious Tumblr debate: alpacas vs llamas. Laughing so hard in the office. "Alpacas have fuzzy lips to nuzzle you gently to sleep." 2 hours ago
  • Mamaya sa Aquino and Abunda: "Kris, naiyak sa State of the Nation Address." #sona2014 2 hours ago
  • A teary-eyed Kris Aquino. #sona2014 2 hours ago
  • I wonder how my Twitter timeline will look like later. (Now I regret leaving my stack of comics.) #yellowvspeach 4 hours ago

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 669 other followers

%d bloggers like this: